


Open Mic

by stripeypirate



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bartender Kakashi, Drunken Shenanigans, F/M, Fluff, Gen, One Shot, Romance, Sasuke is a surprisingly good wingman, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 10:57:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7530019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stripeypirate/pseuds/stripeypirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto decides he's ready to try stand-up comedy. Hijinks ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Open Mic

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just a short little thing I wrote for fun based off a prompt from RedBeardtheNotPirate a while ago. Decided to post in the meantime while I'm working on a larger project (Did someone say "really gay 1980s Diner AU?"- keep an eye out). Little bit of character study, little bit of the rookie nine goofing around. Hope you enjoy!

“And then she said… Wait’ll you see what’s in the TRUNK! H-hey is this thing on?” Naruto tapped the mic, producing a heavy thumping noise that couldn’t quite drown out the unimpressed murmurs that swept through the crowd.

_Keep your cool, ya just gotta get ‘em warmed up first._

“So, uhh what’s a pirate’s favorite letter? Arrrrrrr!” He crooked his index finger in the shape of a hook, but no one so much as snickered.

“Nay matey, ‘tis the ‘C’!” Kiba crowed from his seat in the front row. Judging by the empty bottles on the table, he was well into his fourth beer.

“I was getting to that part!” Naruto yelped, blowing all semblance of a cool stage presence. “Why don’t YOU come up here and tell the joke?”

“Yeah, why dontcha? Anybody’d be better than this asshole,” a voice called from the other side of the room.

“I didn’t ask you, Shikamaru.”

“I don’t think you get the point of stand-up comedy. You’re supposed to make a story or whatever, not just stand up there and shout cheesy one-liners.” Shikamaru folded his arms across his chest. “Also, your mouth is wayyy to close to the mike. I can almost smell what you had for dinner.”

That got a few chuckles.

Sasuke sighed and rubbed his temples, sliding down in his chair another few inches. From his vantage point at the back of the room, he could see the whole picture; the rest of the Konoha crowd up front, most with vicious heckler smirks on their faces, save for Hinata, who just looked worried. Her napkin was a shredded mess in her lap. The rest of the patrons were either checking their watches or too drunk to notice the guy in orange fumbling around onstage.

“I don’t think you made my gin and tonic strong enough,” he glared accusingly at Kakashi, who was standing behind the bar wiping down what Sasuke was pretty sure was the same glass he’d been attending to all night.

The grey-haired man shrugged. “Maybe you didn’t drink it fast enough. The ice dilutes…”

Sasuke waved a dismissive hand and turned his attention back onstage, where Naruto had finally calmed down enough to resume his routine.

“Okay how ‘bout this- A guy walks into a bar…”

“Then walks right back out when he sees you at the mic,” he muttered under his breath.

To his surprise, he heard muffled laughter behind him.

“Mind if I sit here?” It was Sakura, beverage in hand, her cheeks turning a slight pink to match her hair. He hadn’t noticed that she’d separated herself from the others.

Sasuke made a non-committal noise in his throat that she seemed to take for a ‘yes’ because she pulled out the empty chair and sat down with a small sigh of relief.

“Long shift at the hospital. I wasn’t sure if I’d get here in time. How’s the show so far?”

“Atrocious.”

Sakura giggled, “I figured. Poor Naruto, he’s so desperate for attention sometimes I think he goes looking for the wrong kind.”

“Hnn.”

Sasuke caught Kakashi staring at the two of them while he was pretending to wipe down the counter. If he didn’t know any better, he’d have _sworn_ there was a satisfied smile under the mask.

“To be honest,” Sakura took a hasty gulp, “You’re the reason I ever show up to these things.” She winced, waving her free hand as if to clear the air, a surprisingly endearing gesture. “Not in desperate way or anything! I just like hearing you get all sassy. Who’d have guessed you actually had a sense of humor?” She finished, recovering herself and shooting him a sly cutting look.

Sasuke didn’t answer, but allowed a small smirk in her general direction.

“You want a story? Fine!” Naruto huffed. “I’ve got LOTS of funny stories about my friends.”

“What friends?” Kiba cackled at his own joke until Hinata kicked him fiercely under the table.

Naruto stuck his tongue out at him and continued. “My two BEST friends, thank you very much. Anyways-”

“Oh no, he can’t be talking about _us_ can he?” Sakura pressed her palm against her forehead and groaned.

“There was this one time she, I’ll call her ‘Sachi’, invited me over…”

“Everyone knows you’re talking about me!” She hissed, clutching her glass so tightly Sasuke was surprised it hadn’t shattered.

“And we went back to her room and there was this poster of this guy in our class.”

The Konoha group had gone unusually quiet. Ino was leaning forward, a slightly manic grin on her face. Sakura on the other hand, had gotten to her feet, muttering furiously something that sounded like “for Christ’s sake I was thirteen”.

Sasuke laced his fingers together and leaned back.

_This should be interesting._

“Well, this particular guy was pretty popular with the ladies,” Naruto made an exaggerated face as if he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why, “And Saku-I mean, Sachi had this picture and-wha-hey, OWWW!”

Faster than Sasuke thought possible, Sakura had mounted the stage, and pulled their blond comrade into a headlock.

“C’mon Sakura, he was just getting to the good part!” Ino teased in a sing-song voice. “What about the picture?”

“Can it, pig. You had one too!” She hauled Naruto away from the mic and addressed the audience. “Heh, sorry everyone time’s up! Err thanks for coming out and be sure to come back next week!”

“But I WAS just getting to the good part!” Naruto whined as she dragged him offstage by his ear amidst the scraping of chairs and relieved sighs.

Sasuke decided to join the rest of the rookie nine at the bar, including the man of the hour, still rubbing his face and glaring at Sakura.

“I coulda turned to whole set around. People woulda been rolling on the floor.”

“I told you if you ever repeated what you saw I’d grind up your testicles and use them as fertilizer for my plants,” Sakura hissed through gritted teeth. That shut Naruto up, but only for a moment as he went back to a play-by-play of the evening’s events to anyone who’d listen, already altering the story to cast himself in the best possible light.

“I-I thought you were funny,” Hinata squeaked, but her comment was largely lost in the chaos as Kiba announced he’d buy the next round of drinks. Sasuke placed his order, praying it would be stronger than the last.

He sat on the outskirts of the boisterous group, enjoying a relative sense of contentment despite the noise. Guy swung by to check on the bar, berating Kakashi for not cleaning with more vigor and youth, but overall pleased with the results of Comedy Night.

_I should’ve guessed he was behind this. At least Ino’s busy wrapping herself around Shikamaru now instead of me…_

Naruto managed to disentangle himself from the group and swung a friendly arm around Sasuke’s shoulders and was promptly punched in the gut.

“Watch it, you want me to puke all over you?”

“Not my fault if you can’t hold your liquor.”

Naruto raised a crooked middle finger inches from his nose.

“Why don’t you go talk to Hinata?” Sakura asked forcefully, shoving Naruto in her general direction. “She’s been trying to congratulate you all night, moron.”

“R-Really?” He scratched the back of his neck, suddenly shy. “What should I say?”

“You should say ‘LET’S DO SOME SHOTS’” Kiba blew by in a whirlwind of fur and Jaeger. Naruto hastily grabbed a glass and downed it with a wince.

“Right. Hinata. Guess it’s now or never, eh?” He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet like he was preparing to dive into a very cold body of water, then gave a little nod to himself and swaggered forward.

Sasuke sniffed the drink he’d been handed before tossing it back with a resigned sigh. Judging from the amount of excited arm-waving coming from Naruto and the fact that Hinata looked like she might pass out, things were going pretty well.

The rest of his classmates didn’t seem like they were slowing down anytime soon, despite the fact that Ino was using the bar to prop herself up and Shikamaru was getting ever louder and more irritated at things that didn’t make sense, like the size of the peanuts in his dish.

“Want to go outside before this whole thing gets REALLY ugly?” Sakura reached up and self-consciously ran her fingers through her hair.

Sasuke nodded and they headed for the entrance together, past Shino who was swaying ever-so-slightly on his feet. When he though no one was looking, he reached out and grabbed her hand. Sakura had to bite the insides of her cheeks to keep from smiling so hard her face might break.

Kakashi hummed pleasantly to himself. Yes, overall it had been a very good night indeed.


End file.
